alas...farewell

i won't be adding to this blog. i am going to leave it for a bit and then delete it. it seems that someone that i would prefer fall off the face of the earth and leave me alone is using this blog to stalk me.

shame on him.

if i start a new blog, i'll let y'all know.

kathy

happy monday-after-easter

i don't know what i have to say today, except that the girls and i had a lovely weekend with the schmidts. i could not ask for better friends. yup, i loves them.

back at work today, and i suppose you could say, back to 'reality.' but i am pretty darn happy with reality these days, so i really don't mind. i feel completely and overwhelmingly blessed. that is a really, really good feeling.

so what's today? let's see... today is the home opener for the pirates. i know lots and lots of people going to the game. i hope they all have a blast and that the buccos pull out a win!

today also marks 1 month since i met mikey. he is proving to me that not all men are assholes. he has been woo-ing me and it is lovely.

it is also my first day on the south beach torture, i mean diet. we shall see if i can stick with it. i'm not feeling very confident in my abilities to avoid the 'off limits' foods, but i really want to try. so far, so good ( i say after only about 6 hours into it lol)

april is a funny month... it seems to involve the insane acceleration from winter to summer. i have often thought that we don't have much spring or fall in pittsburgh... it is more extended summer and winter, with brief pauses in between for the trees to bloom or lose their leaves. let's hope we get an actual spring this year...cause i don't like summer.

yes, this was random. guess that's how i am feeling today. but it's a good kind of random, if that makes any sense what so ever.

sensitivities

i wonder why i am so darn sensitive. is it because i am the baby of the family and was always teased? is it because i have battled depression for years and am just very aware of negativity? i am not sure. but i do know i am just super-sensitive.

last night while chatting on FB with a friend, we were discussing the issue of homeschooling on his wall. it started as a joke on his part, as he posted a link to 'the onion' about people who school-home their kids. the joke was on both homeschooling and on people who expect schools to raise their kids.

after he and i commented back and forth, another 'friend' of his chimed in. this person was, i thought, condescending and rude. after a bit of 'back and forth' with him, i had had enough and stopped. at that point, he made a comment about me running away with my tail between my legs. wow. really?

and why do i let people like that, who say things just to irritate others, get to me? i don't ever set out to, and i don't find their barbs and accusations to be exciting or motivating to debate. i do not enjoy debate or discussion or arguments. i know some people do, but i do not. i find it all to be super-stressful. why is that?

ok so moving on, the other thing that i am super-sensitive to is foul language. now, i am not some polly-perfect person who has never dropped an F-bomb or let out the occasional 'shit' when i stub my toe or break something. i do swear. but when i am in discussion with people, i find curse words tend to make me uncomfortable. why is that? when i was growing up, my mom's favorite curse word was shit. i believe that is why it is one of my favorites. but i did not hear the F-word until late into my high school years, once i was allowed to watch rated R movies.

perhaps that is why i am sensitive to such language. if i am in an environment where it is the norm to curse, like a bar or a party, i can tune it out. but in my classroom, in my home, or even shopping at the mall are places where my ears perk up to such things.

my students know i will get on them if i hear it. i can't stand the way they use foul language as if it is nothing. i suppose you could argue that they are just words. but i am supposed to teach them appropriate language and behavior. if i allowed their cursing i would not be doing my job.

i've always considered my super-sensitivity to be a weekness. i would wish for thicker skin or the ability to shrug off things that bother me. but now that i think about it, i am grateful for who i am. i am glad that such things do bother me. i am glad that i am not accustomed to vulgar language. i am glad it is not acceptable in my world. because that would be one step in the wrong direction. one step might not seem like a big deal, but it only takes one step to get off the path and into murky waters.

so i guess i put up with my sensitivities. i will embrace my silly girlie nature that makes me squeamish around cursing and arguments. i will rejoice in my desire for balance and peace. and i will continue to assign extra essays to my students who insist on dropping curse words in my classroom. ;)

healthcare

i can't say that i am fully aware of the details that were approved last night, as far as the healthcare bill goes, but what i can say is that we needed to do something.

i was, and am, quite stressed out by the hateful talk on facebook last night and today. it's both sides, reeling at the results. some are venting. some are celebrating. i don't see anyone WITHOUT insurance yelling about what a disaster it is. i do see MANY with insurance cheering, though. that, to me, is telling.

as one friend said, walk a mile in my shoes...or someone else's even more unfortunate shoes, before you go off on your soapbox about how bad this is going to get. seriously? have you tried to go get a checkup lately? oh yeah, that's right. you have health insurance. never mind...

this is all part of my frustrations with my 'conservative' friends. i understand the passion about abortion. i understand the passion about wanting our country to be able to stand on its own and i also understand a need/desire for less government and privacy. but the damage was done long before our current president ever took office. how about giving the man a chance?

ok... back to quietly fuming again ;)

so spring is the time for love, right?

cause i believe it has found me. and i believe, this time, it is real.

i know. i know. i fall too quickly. i love too easily. but is that really a bad thing? yeah, i have been hurt badly in the past. but i believe, so strongly, that i would rather put my heart out there and be hurt than hold it back.

so here i go again... loving with no regrets. i'm praying that God will guide this relationship and protect all involved from nonsense. i also pray that He will watch over the girls, as they eventually meet this person and decide, for themselves, how they feel about him and how they feel about me having a 'boyfriend.'

come on now, i'm almost 40! do i really say he's my boyfriend? i can't help but giggle... like carrie in the Sex in the City movie... should i call him my 'manfriend?'

anyway, wish me the best, ok?

i'm gonna ramble

i'm at work and seem to have a million things on my mind today. i thought if i came here and just dropped it all, maybe i'd be able to focus. dunno...worth a shot, i guess.

first, this dating thing? yeah... has me a wreck. i guess that last fellow did a real number on both my self-confidence and my ability to trust. *sigh* ok... so that is on my mind.

second, i am feeling a bit frustrated with my current students. they really don't have any interest in doing actual work. i try to 'sneak' it into their day as best as i can, but i can feel their resistance, and that is starting to frustrate me.

i am taking the girls to cleveland tomorrow to visit dawn, dennis and sara. i am excited, but it means an evening of laundry and packing.

have i mentioned how much i DESPISE homework? i am so sick of the nightly battle with mia. a bad mom would say, "Fine, don't do it" and leave it...which would result in her failing. so i continue to fight the stupid battle. but i gotta say the bad mom in me is fighting like hell to win this one. more sighs

feeling overwelmed by everything and anything right now... bills piling up; hating my ex-husband inspite of my best intentions not to; wanting desperately for this new guy to be for real, but also terrified to find out....

ok... gonna hope this helped. ;)

one of those days

so i am having 'one of those days' that everyone moans about from time to time. please, don't me wrong. nothing horribly tragic has happened. no one is going to be devastated or upset by things that have happened. it is just 'one of those days.'

i suppose it would help if i had help. yeah, i have been flying solo at my job for about 4 months now. does not seem like i big deal, as i am obviously managing, but it is now starting to be revealed that there are things i never knew, and were therefore doing them wrong. *sigh* i am not a fan of doing things wrong, but i can't read minds. just sayin'

so today has been a day of rushing to get certain things done and trying to keep other things from going wrong. as far as getting my 'ducks in order'... well, it just ain't happening right now! i have calls every day... somewhere between one call and 5.... asking to get into our program. unfortunately, i am full. like... full full. as in, no, you cannot. i am sorry you need your ged. i understand, but i did not make you drop out, so don't take it out on me. seriously. do you want me to help you ever? then be nice, dammit. otherwise, you are going to be SOL...

right now, my waiting list is for people who will start july 1st. today is march 2nd. that is one day short of four months away. i know no one wants to hear that they have to wait. i know that. but hey, i don't make the rules.

ok, enough of that. the other thing that is making it 'a day' would be that i have discovered one of my students is in prison. he was picked up last week, apparently. i can't say i am sad about this, except for one thing. his mom stopped by to pick something up and she is the one who told me he is incarcerated. know what made me sad? she didn't even seem that concerned. yeah, that is what made me sad.

ok...back to my day. two more hours and i can go home. hopefully i won't find out anything else that might rattle me more. hopefully..... HOPEFULLY... the rest of the day will be quiet. whoops... i probably just jinxed it! ugh....