my birthday

so my 39th birthday was yesterday. i had a very nice weekend. i won't go into details about how it was spent, but i will reflect a bit on what it means to turn 39....

i suppose i had imagined my life a bit differently as far as how it would be when i turned 39. i certainly never thought i would be single, or divorced, for that matter. i did not imagine i would be renting where i live. i had imagined living in a house, with my family. i had imagined that i would have kids and that i would be taking care of those kids.

well, i have kids, and i do my best to care for them. but i am not at home with them. i work. a lot. i work 8-4:30 at one job, then evenings for my second job. oh, and the knitting. don't forget the knitting.

i never imagined i would have my children walk home from school and be latch-key kids. i never imagined i'd live paycheck to paycheck. i never imagined i'd spend so much time trying to figure out 1) what we'd eat 2)how to feed kids when the checking account is empty 3)how we'll survive til i get paid again.

i also never imagined i would be so strong. my personality has changed and developed and evolved a lot over the past few years. something good comes out of everything...i truly believe that. i suppose my own strength and self-esteem is what has evolved from my divorce. i also hope my girls find that it helps them to be self-sufficient. i hope that they never find themselves helpless and dependent upon a man, or anyone, for that matter.

all these things having been said, i do not have regrets. everything that has happened, happened for a reason. i am beyond blessed. my faith is still strong, if not stronger. my joy is still continual. and my girls are who i need, more than anything, in my life.