why i love my job

my job is to prepare out-of-school youth (the politically correct way of saying 'drop outs')to take the GED. we spend most of our class time working on math, language arts and writing essays. my students are not what most people would consider to be 'the cream of the crop.' some of them are drop-outs because of problems with the law. some of them have never had a single adult show them concern. i had an interesting conversation with one who said he never went to school because his parents did not care if he went. another student told me that when he was 12, he went to kennywood with some friends. when he came home, his mom had moved away. he was completely alone. can you imagine? half of my female students either have kids or are expecting. these kids do not have it easy. yeah, some are just lazy. but even they are trying to do better.

so today, i decided to change things up a bit and i showed them a movie. we watched "Good Will Hunting." i could never have shown that movie in a 'real' high school because every other word is 'fuck.' but i showed it to my kids. at first, they were kind of skeptical. but after a few minutes, they were drawn in. the story of will hunting... an abused kid who has amazing mathematical abilities. in the end, will has to choose between staying with his old life and his friends or following the only person who has ever truly loved him.

i asked the students to write an essay after the movie. they had to tell me if they would have made the same choice that will made. they also had to explain why. i wish i could post their answers..all of them. these kids are amazing. so honest. and it's not just what they said, but that they really understood the situation and were able to talk about the choice as if it were theirs. and i could tell just how open and honest they were being to me.

those honest kids. those trusting, honest kids. they come to my classroom every day. they didn't do that in high school. they gave up on that nonsense, because their parents and teachers gave up on them. but they don't give up on me. and there is no way in hell i am giving up on them.

yup, i love my job.

One Sweet Day-Mariah Carey & Boyz II Men

Sorry I never told you
All I wanted to say
And now it's too late to hold you
'Cause you've flown away
So far away

Never had I imagined
Living without your smile
Feeling and knowing you hear me
It keeps me alive Alive

And I know you're shining down on me from Heaven
Like so many friends we've lost along the way
And I know eventually we'll be together
One sweet day

Darling, I never showed you
Assumed you'd always be there
I took your presence for granted
But I always cared

And I miss the love we shared
And I know you're shining down on me from Heaven
Like so many friends we've lost along the way
And I know eventually we'll be together
One sweet day

Although the sun will never shine the same
I'll always look to a brighter day
Lord I know when I lay me down to sleep
You will always listen as I pray

And I know you're shining down on me from Heaven
Like so many friends we've lost along the way
And I know eventually we'll be together
One sweet day

And I know you're shining down on me from Heaven
Like so many friends we've lost along the way
And I know eventually we'll be together
One sweet day

Sorry I never told you
All I wanted to say

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nzeMzo_4pxA

So many young people around me are dealing with the untimely death of loved ones. When my niece, Ranie, died at the age of 3, this song brought me great comfort. I want to hold those around me who are filled with pain and play this song. The day will come again, when they will be with those loved ones and all the grief will be gone.

president obama is going to address the school kids tomorrow

this has been part of a hot debate on facebook, as well as all over. i have tried to give my two cents without stressing too much, but it really is getting to me. i mean, i am not 'stressed' over it, but it is upsetting.

my kids are smart. really. yes, i am a bit biased, but i also have the iq tests to prove it, ok? and i am always talking about things with them. they know they can ask anything, and i will do my best to answer their questions. we have discussed my job a lot. and they will tell you that there is NO WAY that they will ever drop out of school. to them, it is not even an option.

but i have a classroom full of students who must not get that message at home. i have no idea what message they get or got, but it was definitely not, "stay in school, work hard, do your best, make something of yourself" and that is why i now have them in my classroom. they did not stay in school. they did not work hard. they did not do their best. they did not make something of themselves. yes, they are trying to fix that all now, but imagine how much easier it would have been, had they chosen a different path.

why is it so awful for the president to address our students??? i realize that many 'right wing' conservatives believe he is going to try and sell his health care agenda to our kids. um... really? do you think they would sit still for that?? as it is, most kids don't have the attention span for a speech, let alone a speech about health care. uh uh.

no, i think it is more a case of people who simply stand against anything and everything president obama tries to do. the man could find a cure for cancer, and i imagine there are those who would refuse the treatment because it is from him. cut off your nose to spite your face. knwo that saying? that's what they are doing...they are sending a message to their kids, that the president is not to be listened to, to prove they are in control. and in 20 years, when their kids don't care who runs, i wonder if the parents will remember sending that messgae. probably not.

because life isn't interesting enough...

it just keeps getting better! yesterday, the school nurse called. now, if you have kids, you know this is NEVER a good thing. school nurses don't call to chat. nor do they call to tell you how awesome your kids are. no, they generally call because something is wrong with at least one of your children, and most of the time they want you to come get them.

so the nurse called. she said that sophia had a sore on her leg. she had checked it the day before, and put antibiotic ointment on it (i knew nothing about it) but that it actually looked worse today. she said, "She really needs to see a doctor. It could be MRSA" Translation...come get your kid! i was having one of those "i cannot leave work" kind of days. so i made all kinds of phone calls and finally made arrangements for a 3pm appointment.

i have to admit that the wound looked foul. bleck. yes, that is a picture of it. the sore itself was about the size of a dime. and the infection area was spreading...it was about 3" in diameter and hot to the touch.

so i got her to the doctor. she was very concerned about what they would do to her. after assuring her that they would simply cut her leg off at the knee (yes, i said it and she laughed a lot!), she felt better. eventually, the pediatrician poked and squeezed it until she was able to collect some of the pus/gunk inside. that will be tested for staph/mrsa. in the meantime, she also has oral antibiotics to take 2 times a day and an antibiotic ointment 3 times a day. they do not play around with this stuff!

so that was yesterday's drama. not horrible, but enough to wear me out. it also made me think about how, as a mom-to-be, i never could have imagined all the things that 'come up' with kids. it really is ALWAYS SOMETHING. and with more kids, the amount of somethings increases exponentially. yikes!

so, he dumped me...

i suppose that is harsh. he broke up with me? he said i could do better.... said i give so much and he does not deserve it. i dunno what to say. so i was loving someone beneath me? excuse me if i don't agree.

here's the rub. i can't fight for him. i can't. i fought for 5 years for a marriage that died. i don't fight. it hurts too damn much.

all i want is to be someone's priority. i want someone to want to be with me. but i come with so much baggage. i know that. i am not easy to love.

i can't say that i blame him. it just reinforces all the negative things i secretly believe about myself. *sigh*

on my mind....

so my mommy is going to have to have surgery. now, you may wonder about a person, me, who is almost 40, still calling my mother, 'mommy.' but she is my mommy. she is absolutely my heart. and it is kinda scaring me a bit to think that she is mortal. yeah, total denial.

my mom has been dealing with spinal stenosis for years. but it has become quite debilitating. she can barely stand or walk now. it causes her a great deal of pain and her lower legs and feet are numb most of the time. surgery is going to be the only option to give her mobility back.

she has an appointment tomorrow with the neurosurgeon. i will find out after that when she will be having the surgery. it is a matter of practicality for me in one way, as she has been my childcare for a while. when she is in the hospital and after i will need different child care. but besides that, this is my MOMMY we are talking about! i talk to her every day. do you understand? every. day. period. everyday. seriously. so all this reality in my face right now is just not appreciated. i would much prefer to believe that she is going to live forever. or at least as long as i live. *sigh*

so please please please say some prayers for my mommy. ok? i need her to be ok, as i am sure she and my dad do too.

blogging

i suppose one of the ironies of this blog is that there are many times i think of things i want to write about, but have no access to my computer. then there are other times when i am stuck here, in front of the blasted thing for hours, and my mind goes blank. yup. ironic...

i could blog about our girls' weekend in michigan (which was lovely, thank you) or about the progress i am making with the hats (i have a dozen made) or about the trials and tribulations of single mom-dom (that would take years). decisions, decisions...

instead, i would like to blog a bit about music. everyone i know has their own unique taste in music. they might share some favorites with others, but everyone has their own quirky things that they adore for no explanable reason what so ever. don't we? and we also usually have those songs that we REALLY love, but that we NEVER admit are our favs... those guilty pleasures.

i have a fairly tame taste in music. i love 80s music. love pop. love dance stuff that makes me want to move... i love alternative stuff from the 80s...not so much from today. though i can really get into a good Breaking Benjamin song. unlike many of my friends, though, i do not like the hairbands from 'back in the day' and i can't stand what i call 'screaming music'.... my ex loved that stuff. bleck.

i can also appreciate classical music, show tunes, classical country (nothing too twangy tho) and even some hip hop and rap. one of my absolute current favs is john legend. the man has a voice that truly inspires and moves me. i can feel the emotion in his songs. and yet i have many friends who just roll their eyes or out-right tell me they can't stand him. to each their own, i guess.

one of the best things i have found to enjoy music during the day is pandora. if you have not yet discovered it... go to pandora.com .... you can create your own music station by listing either your favorite songs or favorite artists. then they play other artists and songs of the same 'type.' it's great. (it helps to have more than one account, though... they cut you off after 40 hours/month)

so what about you? what do you listen to? are there things you love that no one else will listen to? are there artists that you secretly adore but would never say so to anyone you know? know what? it's ok. we all do :D