alas...farewell

i won't be adding to this blog. i am going to leave it for a bit and then delete it. it seems that someone that i would prefer fall off the face of the earth and leave me alone is using this blog to stalk me.

shame on him.

if i start a new blog, i'll let y'all know.

kathy

happy monday-after-easter

i don't know what i have to say today, except that the girls and i had a lovely weekend with the schmidts. i could not ask for better friends. yup, i loves them.

back at work today, and i suppose you could say, back to 'reality.' but i am pretty darn happy with reality these days, so i really don't mind. i feel completely and overwhelmingly blessed. that is a really, really good feeling.

so what's today? let's see... today is the home opener for the pirates. i know lots and lots of people going to the game. i hope they all have a blast and that the buccos pull out a win!

today also marks 1 month since i met mikey. he is proving to me that not all men are assholes. he has been woo-ing me and it is lovely.

it is also my first day on the south beach torture, i mean diet. we shall see if i can stick with it. i'm not feeling very confident in my abilities to avoid the 'off limits' foods, but i really want to try. so far, so good ( i say after only about 6 hours into it lol)

april is a funny month... it seems to involve the insane acceleration from winter to summer. i have often thought that we don't have much spring or fall in pittsburgh... it is more extended summer and winter, with brief pauses in between for the trees to bloom or lose their leaves. let's hope we get an actual spring this year...cause i don't like summer.

yes, this was random. guess that's how i am feeling today. but it's a good kind of random, if that makes any sense what so ever.

sensitivities

i wonder why i am so darn sensitive. is it because i am the baby of the family and was always teased? is it because i have battled depression for years and am just very aware of negativity? i am not sure. but i do know i am just super-sensitive.

last night while chatting on FB with a friend, we were discussing the issue of homeschooling on his wall. it started as a joke on his part, as he posted a link to 'the onion' about people who school-home their kids. the joke was on both homeschooling and on people who expect schools to raise their kids.

after he and i commented back and forth, another 'friend' of his chimed in. this person was, i thought, condescending and rude. after a bit of 'back and forth' with him, i had had enough and stopped. at that point, he made a comment about me running away with my tail between my legs. wow. really?

and why do i let people like that, who say things just to irritate others, get to me? i don't ever set out to, and i don't find their barbs and accusations to be exciting or motivating to debate. i do not enjoy debate or discussion or arguments. i know some people do, but i do not. i find it all to be super-stressful. why is that?

ok so moving on, the other thing that i am super-sensitive to is foul language. now, i am not some polly-perfect person who has never dropped an F-bomb or let out the occasional 'shit' when i stub my toe or break something. i do swear. but when i am in discussion with people, i find curse words tend to make me uncomfortable. why is that? when i was growing up, my mom's favorite curse word was shit. i believe that is why it is one of my favorites. but i did not hear the F-word until late into my high school years, once i was allowed to watch rated R movies.

perhaps that is why i am sensitive to such language. if i am in an environment where it is the norm to curse, like a bar or a party, i can tune it out. but in my classroom, in my home, or even shopping at the mall are places where my ears perk up to such things.

my students know i will get on them if i hear it. i can't stand the way they use foul language as if it is nothing. i suppose you could argue that they are just words. but i am supposed to teach them appropriate language and behavior. if i allowed their cursing i would not be doing my job.

i've always considered my super-sensitivity to be a weekness. i would wish for thicker skin or the ability to shrug off things that bother me. but now that i think about it, i am grateful for who i am. i am glad that such things do bother me. i am glad that i am not accustomed to vulgar language. i am glad it is not acceptable in my world. because that would be one step in the wrong direction. one step might not seem like a big deal, but it only takes one step to get off the path and into murky waters.

so i guess i put up with my sensitivities. i will embrace my silly girlie nature that makes me squeamish around cursing and arguments. i will rejoice in my desire for balance and peace. and i will continue to assign extra essays to my students who insist on dropping curse words in my classroom. ;)

healthcare

i can't say that i am fully aware of the details that were approved last night, as far as the healthcare bill goes, but what i can say is that we needed to do something.

i was, and am, quite stressed out by the hateful talk on facebook last night and today. it's both sides, reeling at the results. some are venting. some are celebrating. i don't see anyone WITHOUT insurance yelling about what a disaster it is. i do see MANY with insurance cheering, though. that, to me, is telling.

as one friend said, walk a mile in my shoes...or someone else's even more unfortunate shoes, before you go off on your soapbox about how bad this is going to get. seriously? have you tried to go get a checkup lately? oh yeah, that's right. you have health insurance. never mind...

this is all part of my frustrations with my 'conservative' friends. i understand the passion about abortion. i understand the passion about wanting our country to be able to stand on its own and i also understand a need/desire for less government and privacy. but the damage was done long before our current president ever took office. how about giving the man a chance?

ok... back to quietly fuming again ;)

so spring is the time for love, right?

cause i believe it has found me. and i believe, this time, it is real.

i know. i know. i fall too quickly. i love too easily. but is that really a bad thing? yeah, i have been hurt badly in the past. but i believe, so strongly, that i would rather put my heart out there and be hurt than hold it back.

so here i go again... loving with no regrets. i'm praying that God will guide this relationship and protect all involved from nonsense. i also pray that He will watch over the girls, as they eventually meet this person and decide, for themselves, how they feel about him and how they feel about me having a 'boyfriend.'

come on now, i'm almost 40! do i really say he's my boyfriend? i can't help but giggle... like carrie in the Sex in the City movie... should i call him my 'manfriend?'

anyway, wish me the best, ok?

i'm gonna ramble

i'm at work and seem to have a million things on my mind today. i thought if i came here and just dropped it all, maybe i'd be able to focus. dunno...worth a shot, i guess.

first, this dating thing? yeah... has me a wreck. i guess that last fellow did a real number on both my self-confidence and my ability to trust. *sigh* ok... so that is on my mind.

second, i am feeling a bit frustrated with my current students. they really don't have any interest in doing actual work. i try to 'sneak' it into their day as best as i can, but i can feel their resistance, and that is starting to frustrate me.

i am taking the girls to cleveland tomorrow to visit dawn, dennis and sara. i am excited, but it means an evening of laundry and packing.

have i mentioned how much i DESPISE homework? i am so sick of the nightly battle with mia. a bad mom would say, "Fine, don't do it" and leave it...which would result in her failing. so i continue to fight the stupid battle. but i gotta say the bad mom in me is fighting like hell to win this one. more sighs

feeling overwelmed by everything and anything right now... bills piling up; hating my ex-husband inspite of my best intentions not to; wanting desperately for this new guy to be for real, but also terrified to find out....

ok... gonna hope this helped. ;)

one of those days

so i am having 'one of those days' that everyone moans about from time to time. please, don't me wrong. nothing horribly tragic has happened. no one is going to be devastated or upset by things that have happened. it is just 'one of those days.'

i suppose it would help if i had help. yeah, i have been flying solo at my job for about 4 months now. does not seem like i big deal, as i am obviously managing, but it is now starting to be revealed that there are things i never knew, and were therefore doing them wrong. *sigh* i am not a fan of doing things wrong, but i can't read minds. just sayin'

so today has been a day of rushing to get certain things done and trying to keep other things from going wrong. as far as getting my 'ducks in order'... well, it just ain't happening right now! i have calls every day... somewhere between one call and 5.... asking to get into our program. unfortunately, i am full. like... full full. as in, no, you cannot. i am sorry you need your ged. i understand, but i did not make you drop out, so don't take it out on me. seriously. do you want me to help you ever? then be nice, dammit. otherwise, you are going to be SOL...

right now, my waiting list is for people who will start july 1st. today is march 2nd. that is one day short of four months away. i know no one wants to hear that they have to wait. i know that. but hey, i don't make the rules.

ok, enough of that. the other thing that is making it 'a day' would be that i have discovered one of my students is in prison. he was picked up last week, apparently. i can't say i am sad about this, except for one thing. his mom stopped by to pick something up and she is the one who told me he is incarcerated. know what made me sad? she didn't even seem that concerned. yeah, that is what made me sad.

ok...back to my day. two more hours and i can go home. hopefully i won't find out anything else that might rattle me more. hopefully..... HOPEFULLY... the rest of the day will be quiet. whoops... i probably just jinxed it! ugh....

nothing to do!!!

i have to celebrate!!! after nights and nights of being booked solid with things to do... tonight, the girls and i have NOTHING to do... nothing... what a lovely thought.

now, we have some choices here. we could go out somewhere....the mills or the mall. we could do some minor, unnecessary shopping. we could even go to a movie or play putt putt golf!

or we could stay home and just chill. that is a lovely thought, too. the girls could play on the wii or their ds' or the computer. we could make popcorn (for them, not me) and watch a movie.

gosh...the possibilities are endless! i guess i will wait til i get home and see what the girls are up for. there is always the chance that one or all of them might have too much homework to do much else. we shall see.....

either way, it is such a free, glorious feeling at the moment for someone who has been scheduled to death!

Shamrock Shakes

i love winter. hopefully the weather we are having right now will last well into march. i love cold weather for as long as humanly possible. but there are a few things about spring that i truly adore...and the first to come to my world this year is in the title of this little blog. the lovely, minty, green, delicious, and briefly available.... shamrock shake!

i had my first shamrock shake of this season on sunday. the girls and i were doing our shopping and i promised them i would stop at mcd's for ice cream. i was not planning to get anything until i saw the sign that greeted me.... shamrock shakes are available!!! joy! joy! joy!

interestingly, as we approached the counter, i realized i knew the person who was to wait on us! it was one of my former students. when i ordered the ice cream for the girls and then the shake for myself, he told me a little trick he likes to do.... he adds a little of the hot fudge sauce to his. he claimed it makes it taste just like a peppermint patty!

i think i will need to test this little gem of information. if you beat me to the test, please be sure to let me know what you think. in the meantime, i am going to enjoy the rest of my green lovliness <3

i have been knitting.....

unlike my normal break that i take after christmas, where the yarn and needles go into hibernation until i am ready to begin stock-piling things in the summer, i have not yet stopped knitting! i have continued to make more purses and am on a major sock kick!

it is crazy how much people love the hand-knitted sock. i actually don't care for the way they feel, but i LOVE the joy it brings to my friends and family. it is also a fairly quick project. i can finish a pair in about two days, if i have a couple hours of knitting time each day.

one of my dear friends online, cheri, had made a comment about a pair of socks i made for louisa...she said she had always wanted hand knitted socks. well, duh... of course i had to make her some!!!! i sent them off to her, via another friend, and here was cheri's reaction:

dear katho--you will think I'm kidding, but I am seriously in love with these socks ::kisses socks::(hey don't judge me!) Now I need to know how much you charge because I am so going to want a few pair. ♥ you!!!

isn't that just the best reaction???? she also posted the picture of her feet in the socks that you see above. the result of her posting said picture is that i have had NUMEROUS requests for socks! i have spent some time researching what is the normal asking price and have now set my price for socks. I guess if it is acceptable by the askers, i'll be knitting socks for a while! :::grin:::

ramblings

ya know, i try not to make this blog a place to complain. i prefer that it be stories and things that i hope to remember someday. but today, i'm going to vent. so if you are not one who enjoys reading vents, check back next time ;)

so i dated this person for about four months, from october to december. he seemed like a great, loving, sweet and friendly person. then he went psycho. at one point, some mysterious 'friend' hacked my laptop, email and facebook accounts. that friend then shared all kinds of information with this person i was dating. he, in turn, flipped out. after my head stopped spinning, and i thought that was all resolved (he SWORE it was not him) we continued on our merry way of dating. unfortunately, that did not last long until he showed his true colors.

he was controlling, and really just plain mean. he continued to harass me via emails for a while because i refused to get back with him. (yeah, cause calling me the c*&% word is a great way to show me how much you love me!) i ended up filing a police report, but then it seemed he had given up. of course, it didn't hurt that i changed my phone number and blocked all emails from him.

HA

i got an email on valentine's day. interestingly enough, it was somehow sent to me from my own email account. it was titled 'reminder' and it said that i should do three things.... first, call my ex and tell him i love him. next, apologize for being a jerk. finally, get a sitter and do something nice for said ex.

um... yeah. no. now, i gotta say that i lost all patience at that point. i replied to his email address, calling him very specific curse words and telling him to leave me alone. *sigh* i probably just fed his need for attention and acknowledged that he got to me. oh well.....

so my vent is that i don't understand why some people are just assholes. i mean, really... why keep bugging me? why not move on? why not leave me alone?

oh, and if you are wondering about how he managed to send me an email from my account... the lovely peoples at yahoo investigated and explained to me that he changed the 'to' and 'from' parts, but did not actually access my account. they said this is a common issue that they are facing.

i suppose i need to visit the police again. wouldn't it just be easier if he'd move along and find something else to do with his time?

ok, vent is now over. back to my regular blogging :D

snow! snow! snow!

well, they were not exaggerating. actually, they underestimated the snow fall. we ended up with almost 2 feet of snow! yesterday the girls went out in it to shovel and to play. i managed to not actually leave the house except to step on the porch to take pictures. other than that, i stayed inside and in my pjs.

today i attempted to dig my car out of its snow-shell. after working for about a half-hour, two of mia's classmates...sam and tyler...walked by. i asked them if they wanted to dig my car out for me. they said, "How much?" I said, "How much do you want?" of course, in my mind, i was thinking $20.....but when sam said, "$2?" i quickly countered with "$5 each" and went running home to get their shovels...

soph heard of my offer and quickly suited up! the three of them made very quick work of the job. in the meantime, i sent louisa down to uni-mart to get change for a $20. she was back just in time! i managed to climb into my car and start it up... left it running while they finished up the back.

now i am ABLE to get out... but don't necessarily want or need to. well, i want to...but don't need to! i can see how cabin fever can quickly settle in when it is not possible to get out.

so back to my knitting i will return. basketball games have been canceled for three days in a row. we have nothing we have to do... the superbowl is on tonight. dunno if i will watch or not, since the steelers are not in it. i guess i'll root for whomever is winning :D

snow's a comin....

the forecast for the pittsburgh area is 8-12" of snow by tomorrow evening. farther east, the forecast jumps up to 20"+.... i must admit i love snow, and i am not in the least sad to hear it is coming our way. no, i'm not crazy. i just hate to be hot!

i was able to run to the store last night after the girls were asleep. kyle came over and hung out while i ran to the 24-hour walmart. this meant i could replenish our supply of the all-important toilet paper (we were down to half of a roll!), as well as food and snacks.

the girls' basketball games have been canceled for the evening, but they are still on for tomorrow. that's fine with me. i can handle making my way through snow in the daylight. it is doing that in the dark that ruffles my feathers a bit.

tomorrow is picture day for the basketball teams. that is always fun...with all the kids in their team shirts and mass chaos all around. i suppose i will just take my knitting and park myself on the bleacher somewhere for the day.

as for tonight, i think some movies and snuggling is in order. my girlsies are excellent snugglers, by the way.

February! February? Really? Wow....

where on earth has this year gone already? an entire month gone...it will be new year's eve again before we know it! i am not sure what makes time fly so quickly. i could guess part of it is working so much and being busy. i remember when i was young and spent day after day of doing very little and lazing around, time practically stood still. now that it is a life of go go go and rush rush rush, time flies!

today my little 'hoopty' car is in the shop. it is being inspected, tuned up, new rear breaks, blah blah blah... all the stuff that is due to be done. and i am sure it will cost quite a bit. i was discussing my car with my students today. the reason i call it 'hoopty' is because that is the urban word for POS... beater... junky car. the thing is, it is also in great shape, runs great, has awesome gas mileage and is likely to last for at least a couple more years. oh, and it's paid for! that, alone, makes it worth keeping for as long as humanly possible!

it's pretty funny, to me, how my students are. i dunno...but this group of kids is just more proof that i am in the right place at the right time. they are good kids, who want to do more with their lives than sit at home and watch tv. they want to go on to school, or at least find a job that will be better than 'flippin burgers' (their words). i can be honest with them, i can tease them...but they also know i mean business.

today one of my students got in trouble for saying the 'f' word. yes, i use it...most people do. but the lesson is that it is not an appopriate word for a classroom or workplace. some bad habits need to be broken sooner rather than later. so he had to go online and research where that word comes from.

a second student said the 'f' word, so i told her she had to write an essay about the other words she could use instead of it, when speaking. i realize that it is part of their 'culture' or environment or whatever you want to say. however, it's also my job to raise the expectations for them... to teach them when it is and is not ok to say words like that. so if i ignore it and rationalize that they don't know better, then i am not doing my job.

my students are making me proud, too. i am so impressed with their motivation to work and better themselves. i can't imagine having to do what most of them do... taking buses or walking to get to class. it would have been much easier to stay in bed. it would have been very tempting to shut the alarm off and go back to sleep. but these kids don't. they come every day and i am so proud.

personally, i'd be hard-pressed to get out of bed if i had as much going against me as they do. i have always been blessed with an incredible support system of people...family and friends...who motivate me. some of my students have no one. can you imagine?

ok...so back to time flying. yup, it's the fact that my classroom is packed full and i am going non-stop that time is a-flying. give me a few quiet weeks of no students...and i might tell you time is dragging and i'm bored. i might... hmmm.... actually... that doesn't sound so bad LOL ;)

friday, glorious friday....

last night i was enjoying my thursday night television and iced tea with lemoncello. it has become a lovely treat for me to enjoy in the evenings. i especially enjoyed it last night after an hour+ at the pediatrician's office with all three girls for their yearly exams. don't get me wrong...the appointments went very well and all are doing great. but the four of us in a tiny exam room for an hour can equal exhaustion even if they are all perfect angels! it did go quite well, though. only sophia got shots, so no drama there. i had to explain to her what meningitis is, and why i insist they all get vaccinated for it, since that is the evil disease that took our sweet ranie day 16 years ago. all those opposed to vaccines have obviously not lost a child to a preventable disease.

stepping down off my soap-box....

we got home from the appointment right at louisa and mia's bedtimes. there was a bit of protest, but they finally relented and were off to bed. soph and i watched a repeat of Big Bang Theory (love it!). while we were watching, i turned to my oldest daughter and did what all responsible parents eventually have to do...i had 'the talk.' why did i do this at that moment? because we were both relaxed and laughing. there was not drama or tragedy. i knew she was at ease and would be more willing to listen. i started by asking what she knew about sex, which she claimed was very little. i filled her in, using very broad terms and descriptions. after that, i asked about oral sex. she looked at me like i had two heads. she said, "i really don't want to know any of this!" which made me chuckle. it is all quite gross, from the perspective of an 11 year old!

after our conversation, i assured soph that she could talk to me about anything. she can come to me with questions and i promised to be honest, no matter what. she seemed grateful for that, as well as for the fact that this particular conversation was over. i am not sure how/when i will have this conversation with amelia. i don't know that she will ever quite grasp such a mature subject. i suppose i will simply play this by ear. as for louisa....when she is a bit older, i will repeat this same conversation, at a similarly relaxed time.

ok, back to my relaxing with iced tea and lemoncello. i suppose it was out of my gladness for having survived the doctor's appointment, or to give me strength for my conversation with sophia, but the ratio of iced tea to lemoncello was a bit off. my 'splash' was more like a 'glug.' i found myself quite drunk! at the time it was not an issue, but knew i would be paying for it today. little did i know, i paid for it quite early today! *sigh*

about 3am, i woke up with a splitting headache. ugh. i tried to go back to sleep, but it just would not stop screaming at my brain. i got up, took some excedrine and put on a movie. after about an hour, the screaming quieted to a dull roar. i finished the movie (27 dresses) and took a shower. at this point, it was almost 6am. i went back to sleep until louisa woke me at 7. i asked her to wake me in another 10 minutes, as i had already showered.

the headache is back. not quite a scream, but still quite angry. lesson learned? yup....keep the splashes small!!! lol

cleaning the house

once again, my house had become a giant cluttered mess. i can actually go for quite a while before it bothers me. well, i had reached the point where i could not take it any longer. yesterday, sophia and i cleaned the living room and re-arranged everything. since santa had brought the girls a wii, i wanted to give them a lot more room to move around. we managed to move only a few pieces of furniture and gained tons of room!

today, after sleeping in, i decided to tackle the dining room. i had let the girls play on the wii for a few hours first, so they were ready for a break. i told them they had to completely clean off the steps (the clutter-catcher) as well as the dining room. amelia disappeared for a few minutes. when she returned, she had fairy wings on and a renaissance princess crown..... guess she was in costume for cleaning! for the first time ever, she did not complain about the process. she was helpful and agreeable!!! perhaps, in the future, i should encourage her to get into costume before we clean!

now we are enjoying the peaceful environment that is a clean home. it really is amazing how clutter can be stressful. i am hoping the girls will help me to keep it clean. it also helped a lot to put the christmas decorations away. as much as that season is joyful, the ensuing clutter is enough to make anyone anti-christmas!!!

the generosity of those around me....

ok, so my girls take dance with miss maria at 10th street. it is a pto-organized program. in spite of my insane poverty, maria allows my girls to dance. she does not demand payment...but accepts what i can give. what a generous person.

wait, it gets better.... i got emails last week from various dance moms, prodding us to pay for the costumes. each email (the girls are in 5 classes between the 3 of them, so i got many emails) implored us to get with miss maria to get this money in!!! my repeated attempts to find out just what i owed were thwarted by replies of, "you will have to get with miss maria."

finally, last wednesday, i stopped in to ask. here was the conversation. imagine me walking up to her, at the end of dance class... little 8 year olds giggling and bounding around in their tutus and leotards. before i could even get out a word, maria grabbed my arm, "HOW ARE YOU???"

(i should mention i was in the hospital for a week before christmas and she has not seen me since then)

"i'm much better, thank you."

"we have been so worried about you! what happened??"

so i went on to explain that i had diverticulitis, brought on my a parasite. she was sooo sweet and supportive and caring. time to ask the question...

"so what do i owe for all of the girls' costumes"

her reply, "Oh, Kath. You know I will take a look at it and see. I'm not worried about it. You can pay what you can."

trying not to cry from relief, i thanked her and gathered up louisa.

yes, i am blessed....but that's not all....

so the next night, louisa had a basketball game. one of the mom's, kelly, had gotten hoodies for the girls and had asked for $10 for each person. so i ran into kelly and told her i had my checkbook, if i could go ahead and pay her. her reply? "oh, miss maria 'found' $10 to pay for mia's hoodie. don't worry about it."

ok.... i realize that we are all struggling and that this might irriate some people that i am being so very blessed. i hope they can see that this is the kind of thing that keeps me going. and the next time someone looks at me, the girls and my life and says, "Kath, I don't know how you do it!" i will reply, "the generosity of those around me" and think of miss maria!

it's a new year...

wow. ok. so all sorts of stuff has happened since my last post. and honestly, i don't want to talk or think about it. so it is time to face the new year with new blogs...okey dokey???