sensitivities

i wonder why i am so darn sensitive. is it because i am the baby of the family and was always teased? is it because i have battled depression for years and am just very aware of negativity? i am not sure. but i do know i am just super-sensitive.

last night while chatting on FB with a friend, we were discussing the issue of homeschooling on his wall. it started as a joke on his part, as he posted a link to 'the onion' about people who school-home their kids. the joke was on both homeschooling and on people who expect schools to raise their kids.

after he and i commented back and forth, another 'friend' of his chimed in. this person was, i thought, condescending and rude. after a bit of 'back and forth' with him, i had had enough and stopped. at that point, he made a comment about me running away with my tail between my legs. wow. really?

and why do i let people like that, who say things just to irritate others, get to me? i don't ever set out to, and i don't find their barbs and accusations to be exciting or motivating to debate. i do not enjoy debate or discussion or arguments. i know some people do, but i do not. i find it all to be super-stressful. why is that?

ok so moving on, the other thing that i am super-sensitive to is foul language. now, i am not some polly-perfect person who has never dropped an F-bomb or let out the occasional 'shit' when i stub my toe or break something. i do swear. but when i am in discussion with people, i find curse words tend to make me uncomfortable. why is that? when i was growing up, my mom's favorite curse word was shit. i believe that is why it is one of my favorites. but i did not hear the F-word until late into my high school years, once i was allowed to watch rated R movies.

perhaps that is why i am sensitive to such language. if i am in an environment where it is the norm to curse, like a bar or a party, i can tune it out. but in my classroom, in my home, or even shopping at the mall are places where my ears perk up to such things.

my students know i will get on them if i hear it. i can't stand the way they use foul language as if it is nothing. i suppose you could argue that they are just words. but i am supposed to teach them appropriate language and behavior. if i allowed their cursing i would not be doing my job.

i've always considered my super-sensitivity to be a weekness. i would wish for thicker skin or the ability to shrug off things that bother me. but now that i think about it, i am grateful for who i am. i am glad that such things do bother me. i am glad that i am not accustomed to vulgar language. i am glad it is not acceptable in my world. because that would be one step in the wrong direction. one step might not seem like a big deal, but it only takes one step to get off the path and into murky waters.

so i guess i put up with my sensitivities. i will embrace my silly girlie nature that makes me squeamish around cursing and arguments. i will rejoice in my desire for balance and peace. and i will continue to assign extra essays to my students who insist on dropping curse words in my classroom. ;)